I haven't been this sober since birth.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
