i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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