Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
