She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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