my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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