Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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