ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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