It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
