u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
