I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
