so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm too high and old for this...
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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