suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
