my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
