I smell stomach acid.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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