we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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