So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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