I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
