last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
