just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
