I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
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