how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
