Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
