Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
