Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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