What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
nutella sex= disaster
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
