Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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