What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
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