make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
its liver damage thursday
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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