this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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