Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
