he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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