I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Are we still banned from the library?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize