I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
