saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
