just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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