My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize