Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
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