You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
