I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
God I need to hump something, right now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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