I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
