I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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