She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
