I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I think my moral compass just broke
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
