At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
