i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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