Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
