I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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