I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
