there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Randomize
