One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
