I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize