we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
