his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
