It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
