It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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