the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i will never coherently bang her
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
