She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
