just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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