I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
