I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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