Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
