i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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