Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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