I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
