Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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