he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
the liver wants what the liver wants
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
