he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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