but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
