she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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