I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
