She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
