I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
