I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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