FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
