Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
