im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
