Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
