3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
