it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize