This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
