Have you finally orgasmed yet?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
