Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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