i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
