I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
