Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
