Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
