I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
