Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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