i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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