nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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