Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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