Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
