Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
