Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
