thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
