I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My ass is underappreciated
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
