Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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