did you get engaged???
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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