bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
