I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Oh god it's open bar.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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