Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
