Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
