Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
